I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
