the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
