We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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