I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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