so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
