I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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