Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
