you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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