when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
