i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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