Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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