i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
