so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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