The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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