none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
