is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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