I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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