it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
