This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need water and some morals
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
