census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
