So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
