she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
