i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
