Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
