billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
