mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
