So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
