I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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