not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
