I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
babies were throwing up all over the place
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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