so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
