My brain says no but my pants say off.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
