Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize