You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
