i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
