Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
