I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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