I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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