We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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