amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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