Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
