I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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