We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
