Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
