did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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