I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
