i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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