I faked an abortion last night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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