Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
