before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
