Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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