I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
