Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my being single is dangerous.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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