I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
