My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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