Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
