I hate your face
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
