Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize