Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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