I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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