I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
