I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
