dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
