I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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