i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize