i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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