we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
