Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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