last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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