What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she told me i tasted like america
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
