dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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