I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
