I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
