i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
