I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
