he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Shame is for Republicans.
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