Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
