i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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