did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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