btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
