You made me cry and you don't even care
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
