my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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