Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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