Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
