that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize