his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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