Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
