a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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