Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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