Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
