you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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