can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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