fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
