Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
