I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
