Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
