Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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