I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
