this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
