dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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