remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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