He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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